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Give yourself at least 45 min for each stop: time to change a diaper, feed, go to the restroom, maybe change a second diaper before you get back on the road. I trusted him, he was fine. I know this is way off-topic, but deplane is a horrendous word. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. But I do agree that its extremely possible the OPs husband is, consciously or unconsciously, skewing the results in his favor. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. It was a realllllly boring upbringing. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/08/09/25333362/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-her-new-boyfriend-canceled-plans-to-see-a-friend-with-cancer. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. I remember when I was young, if my mom went out to run errands and said shed be back at 4 and it was 4:15 I would panic. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. First, therapy is good, but medication is faster. The OP should do both. I dont think anyone is acting like they havent heard the reputation, were just saying its silly and outdated. Maybe you call once a day in the evening to say hi, but otherwise tell him youre not going to be responding to messages, because youre busy with work. Speak to him about how he feels if you were to invite people over. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. This may be the one city where you are on camera every second. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. Might I suggest Hotwire? I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. If yes, how does he handle those trips? Ill be safer and better nourished (I am a run of the mill vegetarian, but somehow that was hard to deal with, too. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. of my colleagues are and having the convention somewhere like Las Vegas brings in more talent from around the world. Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. And the wife discussing it as though its a reasonable position makes me SAD. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Oh dear. The trip should take about 2 and a half hours, but it took about 3 and a half because we had to stop so I could feed my daughter and change her. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. For me, this is a differentiation between asking for permission from the perspective of consideration for the other person (kids are the #1 reason here), and asking for permission because the nature of your relationship dictates that one person gets to decide what the other person can/should be doing. I mean, were talking about adults going on a business trip so wholesome shouldnt even come into it. 33 answers. Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). And, if not, perhaps he and the OP should take a trip together there (not on one of her business trips). I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. And thats Congo. Sin City. Fine with me. If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. I have no idea. Can you cut it out, or find someone else to talk to about your worry?. Also, thanks to Zappos, downtown is being rejuvenated as an artsy community of sorts, with galleries, boutiques and yes hipstery eateries. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. :). That I was RIGHT! I would bet money he didnt tell everyone else the same story he told me. Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. seem much more based on portrayals in television/movies rather than reality. The big difference is that OPs husband cant keep an eye on her when shes in Vegas. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Even if you dont get fired or demoted, youre showing that you arent reliable to do normal business things, and youre missing out on opportunities to grow your career and to network etc. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. I went shopping. I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? Im a husband sometimes prone to irrational fears about if my wife is okay. I dont see it as misogynist. My boyfriend loves Las Vegas, Ive gone several times and always have an excellent time. 5. Nothing magical about Vegas. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? I really dont recommend this course of action. The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! OPs partners behavior is affecting her directly. Find an new therapist to go alone so you can undo all the damage that marriage counseling with a controlling spouse has done. ), but she saw danger everywhere. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. Lots to see and do. Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! We partially worked around it by him pack me an automotive emergency kit since rental cars tend to lack flares, reflectors, etc. Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Oh, good, dont have to worry about Massive Problem A oh hey, Medium Problem B, lets obsessively think about that for ages!. Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. Good for you,OP, for asking how to deal with a difficult situation. Obviously you were in horrific fiery car crash. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. Agree with the advice for counseling. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. Bucks. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. Instead, things got worse. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. If the OP is part of running the conference/event, yep, theyll be lucky to find the time for 8 hours sleep each night. Im not going to be lured into seedy underworld just because its there! I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. ALSO, there is nothing inherently unwholesome about prostitution OR gambling. This is bound to make them curious and excited. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. walk. But theres no letting about it. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. In Amish country. I am late to this thread but Working Wife, I want you to know that I was in a similar situation when I first married my husband he was excessively concerned with stuff like this, with the subtext that he was afraid I would cheat. But if not, why would you stay with this. Look at it again. (Somehow I did survive!). Ive known many a controlling spouse, but most of them know to keep it in check when it comes to the providers job. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. What do you think of the trip? Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip.